Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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