Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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