Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
