Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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