He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
