if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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