I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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