my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
