everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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