Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
