New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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