In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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