He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
