Tell her she can't have a vagina
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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