Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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