He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
