The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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