I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
