Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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