Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
