Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
