i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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