I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
