I wish you could order shots online.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
