this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
