when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
