I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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