Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
In America we eat man semen.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
