Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
