we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
