Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
