Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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