Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
