so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
