so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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