your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
