Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
