It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
