is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
