if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I AM VODKA MAN
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
