mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
