Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
