i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!