I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
