And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
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I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
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Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?