He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?