i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
