He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
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I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.