Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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