During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
