Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.

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(518): View more from New York

wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision

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(214): View more from Texas

So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.

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(530): View more from California

On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.

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(727): View more from Florida

Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees

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(817): View more from Texas

New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.

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