3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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