You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
