i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
