My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
