How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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