He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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