she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
