I feel great
I just peed on a car
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
