is your mom at the bar?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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