My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
