so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
