I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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