dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
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He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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