GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
