Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
