Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I need to align my fucking chakras
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
