Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(812): View more from Indiana

Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.

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(310): View more from California

I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.

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(469): View more from Texas

Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.

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(517): View more from Michigan

just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.

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(602): View more from Arizona

so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.

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(757): View more from Virginia

You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....

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(301): View more from Maryland

I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.

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