That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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