we're blogging at a bar
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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