Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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