**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
