Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
