I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
