Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
