the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize