Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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