i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
a search helicopter?!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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