I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
