Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
