Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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