you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
