ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
